While in HP-UX training a few weeks ago, the Citrix server we were using had a file called "funfile" with some great programming mystiques, jokes, and one-liners. Enjoy!
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
After a number of decimal places, nobody cares.
All computers run at the same speed. . . with the power off.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Another megabytes the dust.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do.
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
APL is a write-only language.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. -- Tom Lehrer
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Breakthrough: It finally booted on the first try.
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Hackers have kernel knowledge.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
If a program is useless, is must be documented.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station ?
Machine-independent: Does not run on any existing machine.
Manual Writer's Creed: Garbage in, Gospel out.
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. -- R. S. Barton
One if by LAN, two if by C.
Real programmers don't eat cache.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular ?
Supercomputer: Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem. -- Ken Batcher
System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
The computer is mightier thatn the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The steady state of disks is full.
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
The world is coming to an end. . . SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
Those who can't write, write help files.
To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Variables won't; constants aren't.
You might have mail.
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
May God continue to bless you.
-Marcum
Monday, December 21, 2009
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